A final post

on the topic of Diablo III, that is. A month since the release, M has already stated the moment she completed the game, on how ridiculous the plot is.

Don't get me wrong, M is still playing the game, mostly because I've fallen in love with the Demon Hunter class, and dying infinite times trying to kill Belial in Inferno gets my blood boiling and my stubbornness-to-refuse-to-admit defeat going.

But I still hate the plot to bits, and recently, while surfing the forums, I came across a gem of a post. The writer is a man, (or a woman) after my own heart. The only reason I am re-posting this here is, whatever I wanted to say (or flame) about Diablo's pathetic story writing, has been very articulately expressed in here. (And W will get a kick out of reading this I think.) Warning, epic but long post, ahead:

Quote:
WhoaFoogles: The story of Diablo 3 has received a lot of criticism for both its actual content and writing and for its presentation (e.g. intrusive cutscenes and linear "on rails" progression). I love the game, but must admit some heavy disappointment when it came to furthering and enriching the lore of the Diablo universe.

What lessons have you learned from the backlash that you plan to apply to D3's expansions or further games in the franchise (or even other Blizzard titles)?

Jay Wilson: We answered this question in other threads, but the recap is: we disagree and have gotten mostly great feedback on the story.
Unquote.


I submit the following not as an angry tirade; but as an attempt to breach the smug, self-satisfied attitude of Blizzard that Diablo 3 is perfection realized.

If they're going to assert that legitimate critics of the game do not exist or are a chronically plaintive minority, I would like to counter.

An open letter to:  Jay Wilson, Chris Metzen, D3 writers, et al.

Mr. Wilson, I have to seriously disagree with your conveniently self-aggrandizing public position.  If, perhaps, you were actually disappointed with the poor quality of your work, would you have the presence of mind to defy your marketing dept. for the sake of honesty?  Personally, I doubt that.

Most writers of any measurable caliber have significant personal insecurities about their work -- as such they are their own most vicious critic.  Diametrically, I've found that the worst/most poorly written/unimaginative/cliché works are often submitted by individuals with a flawlessly hyper-inflated self opinion of their efforts.  This is best described by the Dunning-Kruger effect.

[Excerpt from Wikipedia]
Kruger and Dunning proposed that, for a given skill, incompetent people will:

    1. tend to overestimate their own level of skill;
    2. fail to recognize genuine skill in others;
    3. fail to recognize the extremity of their inadequacy;
    4. recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill, if they can be trained to
        substantially improve.

[/copypaste]

The irony here is that, should such a cognitive bias actually be affecting your judgement, by its very nature you would be nearly incapable of being galvanized into self-realization.

While I could certainly spend some many, many pages caustically dissecting the dozens of individual failures in the story, I will attempt to be somewhat terse and laconic.  Behold my endless diatribe.

Tone:
    The tone implied by previous installations of the series (which, might I add, are
    also mechanically superior) has always been characteristically Gothic.  This is easily
    evidenced by the art direction.  The musical composition is heavily influenced by
    Gothic era northern European orchestration.  The chronological setting and obvious 
    derivations  from roman-catholic mythology -- specifically that of John Milton and
    [an obtusely literal  misinterpretation of] Dante Alighieri -- point to a narrow band of
    human history.

    The failure here begins with the fact that it's a linear story that has, until now, maintained
    an overall commitment to a dark and serious aesthetic that is both Gothic in theme and
    tonality.  Diablo 3 breaks this form.  It seems to be ambivalent or confused as to whether
    it should maintain its own mythological ambiance or make hundreds of cheap, stupid
    puns, anachronistic pop-culture references, obnoxious swagger, and exploitation of
    trite contemporary action movie clichés -- and that barely even scratches the surface.
    At the very least breaks canon in tone and theme.  Never break canon.

    Parenthetically, I am aware of the couple tongue-in-cheek jokes in the previous Diablo
    titles, but where those work and these do not, lay in subtlety and the nature of tongue-
    in-cheek -- the ability to parody ones own seriousness.  The "levity" in D3 has all the
    refinement, subtlety and wit necessary to entertain an illiterate, homophobic,
    pre-pubescent, mic spamming, XBOX fan-boy.  A demographic who's brow is
    as low as your bar.  The very same demographic which has provided approx. 70% of
    positive-bias feedback on D3 via mutilated grammar and flaming -- that is if your own
    forums are any kind of yardstick in this matter.

    The undercurrents of the story feel sloppy and inconsistent, as if a bunch of first draft
    ideas were thrown in for filler material without the polish and attention to integral
    consistency you would expect from a talented author.  This turbulence has the effect of
    disconnecting the reader.  There is literally no suspension of disbelief at all.

Characters:
    The player is here under somewhat ambiguous reasons, but that can be good since it
    leaves it open to the player to create their own backstory.  One of the fundamental
    requirements is that the character does not behave in a way that breaks this image.
    It's quickly revealed, however, that all the player characters are conceited, unlikable
    cliché caricatures.  What if my character was supposed to be guile incarnate, not an
    arrogant child?

    An important thing to note here is that the story that plays out is a journey of events,
    not of the player, characters or heroes.  The half-attempt to 'flesh-out' the heroes against
    this backdrop only succeeds in juxtapositioning them against it.

    It's not much to venture a guess at what kind of mind wrote this dialogue, as one writes
    only that which one knows.  The NPC dialogue/monologue is the worst aspect of the story,
    hands-down.  It's expositional, hackneyed, trite, cliché, obvious, adolescent, inarticulate,
    naïve...  even poorly voiced.  It's like a terrible actor who cant stop staring at the camera.
    The characters that the player interacts with are so single-dimensional and transparent
    it feels almost like you are talking to a tape deck or a chatbot.

    The more "epic" the dialogue theme becomes, the more it sounds like pseudo-intellectual
    trailer-trash pretentiousness.  The plain reality is that the story is only as epic as your
    typical Saturday morning installment of He-Man vs. Skeletor et al.  Epic Fail, in the
    parlance of our time.

***READER ALERT:  SPOILERS***

Derivations and Mythology:
    It's beyond obvious that the game's universe is primarily based on Judeo-Christian
    mythology.  But it's extremely unevenly applied.  Abstract concepts are taken from this
    mythology and used in an implicitly identical context, but are missing integral and defining
    components from the universe that need to exist to give the concept any meaning at all.
    Whether directly or indirectly, you've based the game's lore largely off of Milton, but you
    seem to have a great deal of confusion about the nature of hell, domains, devils and
    demons.

    We already know Belial is probably the worst liar in the universe, but how is his domain
    made manifest for his encounter?  Are all the poison and snakes a judeo-christian
    mythological allegory based on the Edenian legend?  If so, was it not Diablo [Read: Satan]
    that took the form of a snake and lied to Eve.  Would it not be then, Diablo who is
    Lord of Lies?

    According to Judeo-Christian mythology, Satan/Diablo and all his bretheren were angels
    that sought freedom from god's tyranny.  Being that angels had consciousness, but lacked
    free will, they became envious of mankind's ability to choose their own destiny.  The
    angels postulated their own free will by merely conceiving of it.  It is at this moment, for
    the first time ever the concept of 'sin' is created and defined.  Sin is essentially a defiance
    of god's will by desiring personal freedom over immortal slavery.  It is in the Miltonian
    legend that sin becomes a living personification of this aspect of consciousness in the
    heavenly idiom, thus [she] is an angel as well.

    Diablo/Satan plot to overthrow god, only because they know that god will not allow their
    freedom. Of course, against the omnipotence of a monotheistic god, they fail to achieve
    victory.  Thus god creates hell as a domain of eternal torture and banishes
    Satan/Diablo, Sin and all their co-conspirators to that place.  The angels banished by god
    have 'fallen out of the grace of god', hence the term 'fallen angel' a.k.a. devil.

    The exiled angels/devils are spread out over hell and tied to various forms of sadistic
    torture for eternity.  After many aeons, some of them manage to free themselves from
    their bonds and quickly discover that they are not alone.  Terrible creatures exist in this
    domain that are living (unliving?) embodiments of pain, fear, malice, etc. -- creatures
    created by god for the sole and dedicated purpose of terrorizing and harming the fallen
    angels/devils.  These creatures are known as demons.

    As you can probably see right away that devils and demons are pretty antithetical
    concepts.  One can't help but notice there is some massive confusion in the game about
    this, esp. of Act IV.  Many of the elements of the story fail on this basis alone.  For
    example, we see enemies in Act IV named "Fallen Angel" which are categorically listed
    as "Demon" by presence of Diablo's influence.  How does one influence a being
    [read: angel] that lacks the freedom of choice into becoming an abomination created by
    an angry god, who's sole purpose is to terrorize the very creature they are acting in
    accord with?  According to the mythology that you've inaccurately plaigarized, this is
    impossible.  The only thing that defines divinity in this matter is that the angels that do
    exist, exist because they are extentions of god's will, physically incapable of any kind of
    defiance of nature.

    The diminutive structure of power in hell is primarilty an ancient Roman amalgamation of
    Greek polytheistic mythology and Judeo-Christian monotheistic mythology.  The reasons
    for this subdivision of power are endemically human and almost entirely cryptopolitical,
    esp. as evidenced by Virgil, Dante and Milton -- thus we see obvious historical derivation
    taking place.
  
    Mythologically speaking, Diablo's purpose for helping in part to create organization in hell
    was for the purposes of formulating and executing an escape plan from the realm of
    eternal torture and to return to heaven, where they could once again experience
    happiness and serenity forever.  The motivations of the story's antagonists are
    contradictory, unfaceted, shallow and completely unbelievable.  Nothing in the
    history of the known universe operates on the principal of evil-for-the-sake-of-evil.
    Nothing.  No writer worth his salt exploits this.

    It is perhaps one of the worst things a writer can possibly do to create a character that
    lacks purpose other than to serve as a plot device.  Why would he destroy his own
    paradise and fill it with devices of his own torment?  The fact that you've plagiarised this
    story, but managed to entirely miss the integral motivations that set all events in motion
    is unforgivable as a writer.  Honestly, Mr. Metzen, you should be fired for this.

    [I could really write a book here, but I'll move on...]

Act I:
    This is perhaps the most auspicious point of the story if you manage to disregard all the
    kitsch elements within it.  It almost seems to have potential before it starts building too
    much downhill speed.  We're introduced to familiar territory and begin the segue from D2
    to D3 without too much painful exposition yet.

    Where Act I starts to backslide is when you meet "The Stranger" and the challenge of
    immediately figuring out that it's actually Tyrael is insultingly obvious to anyone with an
    I.Q. over 90.  The narrative hook you needed to create at this point fails critically.  
    Readers/players need to be drawn in by genuine intrigue created through intimation and
    negative information, not common media tropes.  This is simply too obvious.  Obvious and
    lazy.  I really shouldn't need to explain further than that.
  
    Clearly it was intended to be a triumphant and evocative moment as Tyrael's identity is
    revealed, but since he's about as well disguised as Superman.... well it's only expected.
    I'm sure you thought you were giving people what you think they want to see, but
    in that regard you end up being another Michael Bay working in the video game idiom.

    Worse is the persistent reaction to Cain's death by Leah.  I think a Honey Badger would
    have given more #@&%s.  Leah watches her only known surviving family get tortured
    and murdered, leaving her an orphan -- and she barely notices for the rest of the story.
    It's like Cain's murder was thrown in as an afterthought halfway through.  The characters
    feel about as emotionally connected as an ant farm.  A good writer understands the
    complexity and nature of the human condition by drawing upon and understanding their
    own psychology -- this exhibits none of that.  Here the plot is driven by topological need
    for establishment of progressive penultimate confrontation.  Callow.

    As the player progresses through the act, the linearizing effect the *!@#ty expositional
    cutscenes starts to take its toll and starts to make it feel like your on rails, jumping
    through hoops just to receive a condescending pat on the head.  Who came up with
    this horrible idea anyway?  It's like you guys have never read a book in your adult lives
    that wasn't a Harry Potter novel or your own self-aggrandized authoring.

    I'll skip a bit since it's the same trope/motif/cliché played out ad nauseam.  So... Butcher?
    Honestly, Butcher is one of the more interesting bossfights, despite not actually being
    difficult on any setting.  I'm not predisposed to hate him, but isn't this a little too
    convenient?  Surely this counts as being a bit too crass-wards of a wink and nod.  Is this
    a reboot of Diablo, or are you just wheeling out the presumed croud-pleasing cameos like
    a dying variety show?  Leoric and Izual are cases of this.  Has your collective imagination
    become so inept?  Maybe Cher will do a walk-on in the expansion.  One of the problems
    with the impermanence of death of these characters, is that it creates conflict as to
    whether you've done anything at all story-wise.  If you're going to do this at all, it had
    better be part of an interesting arc, not just lazily justified.  Are we to believe that all
    'butcher demons' are called 'The Butcher' and, at the moment of their creation they are
    all given a post-hypnotic suggestion to say "Ah, fresh meat!" at the first sight of someone
    auspicious enough to possibly qualify as a protagonist?

    "Vegetable bad! Meat good!"

    I submit the above quote as evidence towards the Dunning-Kruger effect theory.
    Seriously?  Are you actually five years old or just developmentally disabled?

    Act I punches out on a cutscene that must embarrass your animators for having so many
    inconsistencies and proportion problems.  Like how Leah can't wrap her hand around
    even one of Tyrael's mammoth tree-trunk fingers.  The content itself is a fairly common
    trope and not unexpected, but compared to the rest of the animated expositions and
    crap dialogue, I felt a surge of optimism pressing forward into Act II.

Act II:
    Much of what I have to say about Act II has been articulated well in this post that
    is well worth the read:
 
    http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5150111877

    So, here Maghda is surprised to have been lied to by the Lord of Lies.  You do realize
    that the goal is to provide literary substance for the sake of the reader, not the sake
    of the fictional antagonists?  Meaning you have to surprise the reader, not the characters.
    This just feels amateur, and if it was intended to be 'poetic justice' that's just so boringly
    cliché that it should be criminal.

    From the moment the 'Emperor' approaches you -- everybody -- you, your character,
    Leah, Adria, Tyrael, your companions.... everybody... sees through this.  It is thoroughly
    foreshadowed.  Even the tone of the emperor's voice inflects a child lying.  You may as
    well have had a popup window at that point that says:  "Oh, BTW, that kid is lying and is
    actually Belial, the Lord of Lies.    Click OK to continue."

    Could you have foreshadowed Zoltun Kulle a little less as well?  We're warned over and
    over about being betrayed by his megalomania, such that one goes in with little interest
    in the story since we already know the outcome that will play out in less than 30-40
    minutes.

    Another point to be made here is that the whole Black Soulstone being filled with the souls
    of the primary Lords of Hell. This basically constitutes pulling a rabbit out of a hat.  It's
    bad magic and it's bad storytelling.  You should never get halfway through a story and
    then say "oh, yeah, a whole bunch of stuff happened at some point that doesn't make a
    whole lot of sense, but it turns out that it's now a major plot device.  Just thought I'd tell
    you."

    So Adria supposedly gained access to the Black Soulstone in Kulle's lair at some point in
    the last 20 years, after meeting Aiden/Diablo and presumably after giving birth to Leah.
    She then proceeds to search the earth, casting Soul Trap on the other Lords of Hell. Since
    Adria has pledged her loyalty to the Lord of Tear-roar[sic], and since it was Diablo's wish
    to free his brothers why wouldn't she have freed Baal then and there as per Diablo's
    wishes?

    Should we instead believe that Adria pwnd her way through Travincal, entered the
    Durance of Hate, snuck up on Mephisto and cast a lv99 Soul Trap on him?  She then found
    and entered the true Tomb of Tal Rasha with a fully assembled Horadric Staff (which she
    presumably constructed with an Horodric Cube), broke down the wall and sprinkled pixie
    dust on the soulstone in Tal Rasha's chest, walked away, repaired the wall and broke the
    Horadric Staff back into two pieces and hid them.

    One has to ask how Adria could have accomplished this incredible feat before
    Aiden/Diablo, who, left to seek out his brothers (Baal and Mephisto) before Adria did.
    Esp. since Adria has recently become pregnant, giving Aiden/Diablo a 9 month start.
    When Aiden/Diablo finally liberates Tal Rasha/Baal (thanks to the help of Marius) Baal
    flees with Diablo.  Adria is not in their company, meaning she had to have found him prior.

    Chronologically speaking, Adria's plan involves the allegience to Diablo formed though her
    contact with Aiden, after Diablo was destroyed.  Adria would have to had fully conceived
    her plot before Aiden leaves Tristram.  About this time Adria became pregnant by Aiden
    as part of the plan to use her child as a vessel for Diablo's eventual reincarnation.  Adria,
    having foreknowledge of the coming 'demonic' invasion leaves for Caldeum.  Meanwhile,
    Aiden becomes the Dark Wanderer and the 'demonic hordes' begin to follow in his wake.
 
    It is at this point that Diablo 2 begins with the hero chasing Aiden as he leaves Tristram,
    immediately bound for Lut Gholein, seeking to free Baal from Tal Rasha's tomb.

    Now here's the tricky part:  Nine months after moving to Caldeum -- BUT, before
    Aiden/Wanderer finds either of his brothers, Adria casts Lv.99 Soul Trap on Baal and
    Mephisto.  Adria's whereabouts are accounted for while pregnant, but somehow, while
    pregnant, without leaving Caldeum -- Adria manages to beat Aiden, Marius and the hero
    to the punch, while leaving no evidence of her presence.

    We know that this cannot occur after the events of D2 since the hero takes the soul/spirit
    of Mephisto and Diablo with him after their defeat and Baal takes his own soulstone with
    him to Arreat.  In D2, both Diablo's and Mephisto's soulstones are destroyed at the
    Hellforge.  In LoD, Baal can be seen wearing his on his ascent of Mt. Arreat cinematic, and
    it is visibly worn by Baal during the final battle.

    Once Tyreal destroys the worldstone, it no longer matters, as the soulstones were tied to
    the power of the worldstone anyway.  Additionally, the black soulstone was created during
    a time when the worldstone existed, it's not unreasonable to expect that it, too, should
    suffer a loss of functionality.
  
    What the author has done here is assert highly implausible changes to the story simply
    on the basis that there's no way to disprove it empirically.  In effect, this is considered
    cheating your way out of a corner.  It's a sign of poor planning -- forcing an idea into a
    story for lack of organic progression.

    In no respect is Belial a proficient liar.  Not as evidenced by the story or encounter.  After
    the Belial boss-fight encounter, we're left with no destruction or body.  It could be inferred
    that the fight was an illusion and Belial escaped into an over-used comicbook cliché.  This
    does not constitute lying by the way.  If Belial's power is to be defined by creating a
    single dangerous illusion, we could posit that the Wizard's capacity for creating
    near-infinite illusionary selves puts her in line to usurp the title of Lord of Lies.

Act III:
    Azmodan, the Lord of Sin, and supposed 'Master Tactician', completely fails as a
    tactician.  Sun Tzu, he is not.  He fails not against superior tactics, cunning or strategem,
    but against a single person (canon) who casually facerolls his/her way down the train
    tracks in plain sight.  Azmodan is aware of the hero's location at all times, yet is
    completely helpless against the mindless, linear, brute force approach of a single person.

    I found a book/note/journal that was from Azzy addressed to his minions, informing them
    of the secret plan to secretly invade the keep while you are distracted.  Azmodan, in his
    infinite tactical wisdom, immediately tells the hero about it.  Pride is a fool's fortress, no?
    I'd like ponder for a moment the notion of the Lord of Sin taking the time to type out
    orders and courier them off to the clearly highly regimented army of randomly generated
    monsters.  Does Azzy have his own personal secretary for this kind of work, or is he the
    hands-on kind of boss who prefers to do this sort of thing himself?  I have been yet unable
    to find a typewriter in Azmodan's executive suite.  Given that he can astral project his
    ugly face seemingly anywhere, you might assume he'd have moved beyond paper
    memos.  He's also more literate and linguistically proficient than you'd expect, putting
    most... err... all Facebook users to shame.

    Here we again have the old saturday morning cartoon/comicbook tropes exploited by an
    antagonist with no apparent depth or plausible motivations.  He keeps directly announcing
    his plans to the hero every step of the way.  Plans which are easily thwarted by a
    completely linear approach outlined by the array of tedious "HAHAHA! you will never
    defeat my <blank>!" speeches.

    This the Act where it all falls apart, badly.  The antagonists spend 95% of their screen
    time following the character around posturing dramatically -- not to mention dramatically
    overstating their abilities.  It's like the dialogue for Azmodan and Cydaea was written by
    an immature,egocentric highschool student.  The entire story at this point is only on par or
    below the typical 'young adult fantasy novel' genre.  One could speculate that you (and the
    writing staff) are untalented, inexperienced and unimaginative -- or that you think
    extremely little of your audience; and, ascribed within the subtext of your work, your
    contempt is given form.
  
    Grom is more crass than The Butcher.  Seriously?  The Lord of Gluttony is a farty sock
    puppet with less cunning and physical threat than a dog.  You keep using words like 'Lord',
    'Devil', Demon', 'Angel' and 'Nephalem' -- and I don't think you actually understand the
    implicit meaning.

    Cydaea is just another bland cliché antagonist, full of pomp and swagger.  Worse, she's
    just a crass attempt to mix in a little sex in the worst, most stale and hackneyed way
    possible.  Who actually wrote her script?  Certainly the marketing dept. told you the
    archetype was necessary to appeal to the pre-pubescent hordes of potential customers
    who's minds are easily clouded by a little sexual suggestion.  I'm sure fewer words were
    used, but did they hold a gun to your heads on this?  Did nobody denounce is as
    transparent, inartistic sexual pandering?

    Lolth is also a female spider-queen from a different series, but the her legend is not
    propagated via sexualization, but rather by being cruel, discompassionate, selfish and
   sociopathic.  She's also iconically powerful -- quite unlike the chatty blood-balloon in D3.

    Azmodan's encounter is difficult to fathom, because one must ask:  'How does one make
    manifest the dominion of going against the will of a tyrannical god [read: sin]?' Being that
    'sin' is clearly a concept taken endemically from Judeo-Christian mythology that defies
    all other definition, how is this supposed to have a meaningful impact on a story that only
    implies the existance of the eponymous mythological god?  Is it to be inferred that Azzy's
    super secret wonder-twin power is to defy the will of a figure not even present in the
    game?

    I think I need a while to let that sink in...

Act IV:
    Lets be extra terse on this chapter.  The hackneyed dialogue, cliché plot points, needless
    boss-fight exposition, gratuitous action-movie screenplay effects, cutscenes, cutscenes
    and more cutscenes swirl into a quickening tornado that beckons players to to just close
    their eyes, rip off the bandage and have done with it as quickly as possible.  Taking your
    time with something this bad only hurts more.

    Notable points this chapter:
    - Everything you expect to happen going into this chapter, does.
    - Minibosses = "HARHARHAHR! I am an evil monstaarr! You will never..." <splat>
      <shrug> <proceed>
    - Books/journals about that are 100% about flavour text and nothing about developing a
      richer universe or story.
    - Diablo has $%^-.
    - Diablo has wide, child-bearing hips.
    - Diablo has firm, round, peachy buttocks (a.k.a. Dat *!@)
    - Intrusive cutscenes.
    - ^
    - All the immortal creatures of heaven seem to enjoy following you around instructing you
      on how best to save their collective #$%^-*!@#s.
    - Diablo is telepathic.
    - Heaven is a neoclassical arrangement of bridges built for the sole purpose of supporting
      large quantities of vases containing blue water.
    - Diablo has $%^-?
    - TEAR-ROR!
    - Angels are helpless wimps.

    We again need to emphasize the fatuous notion that Diablo has been wringing his hands
    to destroy the paradise he was banished from, and has sought to return to.  What is there
    to gain?  I think Gargamel had deeper character motivations for antagonism.   
    Satan/Diablo's only real animosity stretches to the god figure, in that god would never
    allow anyone/anything into heaven that was not stripped of free will.  The very idea that
    Diablo would finally realize his aeon old plan to exist in a state of euphoric bliss, but
    promptly go nuts and set it all on fire is without literary merit.  This is, as previously
    stated, evil-for-the-sake-of-evil.  If you cannot understand exactly why that is terrible
    writing, allow me to refer you once again to the Dunning-Kruger effect.

    What, precisely was his motivation all along?  This strikes me as an allegory of King Kong;
    where Diablo instead climbs to the top of the highest tower.  Trapped with the looming
    inevitability of mortal confrontation, he behaves like a frightened animal trapped in a
    corner -- that is to say choosing to fight only now that he cannot run further and has no
    other options.  The Lord of Terror, terrorized by the hero?  Thanks, I'll just usurp that
    throne as well.

    Also, what is going on in heaven anyway?  There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of room,
    there's no sign of culture or civilization.  Aren't the so-called "arch-angels" 
    HEAVILY personified?  They appear to be emotionally human in every way,
    shouldn't they have established some kind of self-evident culture and civilization here? 
    Instead it looks like a tacky neoclassical vatican-themed mall for American mid-western
    tourists.  It's not esoteric, it lacks purpose.  Yet all these books and journals lying around
    seem to indicate an effort to bring it to life.  Well, Dr. Frankenstein, your experiment has
    failed. Insert quarter.  It's like polishing ones own feces.  No matter how shiny you get it,
    it's still compositionally fecal.

    Blablabla, TEAR-ROR!  Blablabla, TEAR-ROR!  Blablabla, TEAR-ROR!  Etc...

    Epilogue:
    So, earlier on, Tyrael explains to the player that he finds mortality invigorating and
    meaningful.  Apparently a ticking clock counting out maybe, what? Five, Ten more years
    before becoming too feeble to wipe himself and eventually dies of prostate cancer?  What
    does he hope to achieve in that time that he could not better achieve in as long or longer
    as an immortal?

    In the end, though, Tyrael decides to return to The Holy Pantheon of Water Buckets to....
    Get this... Live as a mortal?  What?  He's going to return to heaven as a mortal?  Are you
    stoned?  How does that even work?  Isn't heaven an immortal realm?  If someone dies in
    heaven, where do they go?  You have already established in previous diablo games that
    souls are divided amongst heaven and hell after they depart The Great Incoming basket
    that is the earth.  We've been in hell plenty of times and have seen the damned sould
    chained and tortured there.  It's in your canon.  It's been established that heaven and hell
    are the two diametrically opposed afterlife options, with the possibility of purgatory.
 
    So for a champion arch-angel of god, what are the chances of going to heaven when he
    dies?  Isn't the soul (even by canon) intrinsically immortal?  Which is to say that once the
    mortal Tyrael 2.0 dies in heaven, he will immediately reappear again as an immortal?
    probably in the same spot, as we've seen demonstrated by freeing impaled angel-corpses
    in Act IV.  In this regard, Tyrael's choice is obviously a logical contradiction.

    What.  Was.  The.  Point?

    If Tyrael had felt the ticking clock of being mortal was the ONLY possible way to
    motivate himself out of bed in the morning, he has some major psychological issues.  Esp.
    as he is faced with the exact same possibilities and has the time to realize more of them
    than any creature on earth.  Doesn't he impose himself as a dutiful protector of mankind,
    and woudln't suffering a mortal death to nonexistance constitute a breach of duty?

    You realize nobody, let me reiterate, nobody wakes up in the morning and says to
    themselves:

    "Oh boy, I'm going to die in a few years, better get crackin'!  Isn't the impending threat of
    death an exciting and invigorating reason to be productive?"

    I posit as a fact that most people who live day to day, motivated in all things by their
    imminent death do NOT live happy, fulfilling lives.  They live difficult and depressing lives,
    where each year represents a greater amount of soul-crushing mortal fear than the last.
    Not too uncommonly, thanatophobic people -- ironically -- self-terminate to avoid the
    suffering of fear and depression only to come to similar end.  If you're going to write
    people, you have to know people.  You either know nothing, or you're forced to write
    *!@#ty pop-culture kitsch.

    We're expected to see Tyrael's choice as heroic and self-sacrificial, but it's logically self
    defeating and contradictory.  It serves no purpose other than to cheaply evoke emotion
    in the reader.  It's flawed, illogical, pandering garbage.  Please stop writing, you're bloody
    terrible at it.

[If anyone read to this point, congratulate yourself on having an above average attention span!]

[Edit: A seemingly benign word I used got caught by the profanity filter for some reason.  Removed to fix apparent tone.]

[Additional:]
Based on the excellent feedback I have to assume I did a poor job of explaining my reasons for defining mythical relevance and extrapolation.

My intent was to establish that the lore in the series does not set out to create a completely unique or original universe.  This is neither a good nor bad thing in any way, whatsoever.  It simply is.

The criticism stems, instead from relying on the reader's foreknowledge of story, events, terminology and characters without explicitly redefining every single element.  When you rely on the pre-existing knowledge of an entity/location/object/concept/etc. in the mind of the reader, you're expecting the reader to draw on that implicit information to help you flesh out your story [read: give it shape and meaning].

Now, if you rely on that external knowledge to support your own story structure, then something happens in your story that contradicts the implicit purpose, that element becomes ambiguous, abstract and confusing.  Thus, it loses all meaning and purpose.  Your universe begins to collapse in on itself.

If you do this without realizing it you're a sloppy author.  If you do this and try to retroactively change everything from implicit to explicit, you're a sloppy, terrible writer.

To satirically illustrate, this would be like reading a book about life in a city -- cars, crime, apartments, pollution, the plight of the human condition, etc..  At this point you're expected to know what a car is, lest the story make little-to-no sense.  Having this pre-existing knowledge allows you to ken the meaning of the author.  The Author relies on it.  Suddenly though, hundreds of pages in, the author tells you "oh yeah, btw, cars are giant purple phallic monsters, with teeth made of lasers.  Oh, and they love Invader Zim reruns -- that's important to the story."

If I'm still failing credibility here, you might read "How to Build a Universe That Doesn't Fall Apart Two Days Later" by Philip K. Dick.  I'm not half the author he is; and he has street cred in this matter.  Word.
                               

The link to the post on the forum is here.

Diablo deflates

M's final impression of Diablo.

It sucks! Blizzard, kindly hire whirlpooled to be your story writer to save gamers like me who spent hours for the story from the most anti-climatic ending ever.

*SPOILER ALERT*

There are so many loose ends and the ending's so ridiculously happy, it makes no sense! One of the major characters is never mentioned again, they didn't even spend half a minute to show what happened after. All we get is Heaven is saved. The ruins that was Heaven was restored to its former glory, Diablo plummets from Heaven and is scattered into a gazillion bits of ashes, Tyrael is back in Heaven as Wisdom, but is still mortal.

What about Leah? What about my character? What about Imperius? What about the siege survivors? And the little boy emperor? Is he dead? What about the citizens of Caldeum? Are they still in the sewers? Surely after surviving a million monsters pouring out of Arreat, the villagers there deserve a foot note?

All I got to see was a pretty city and Tyrael's feet.

Nice.

Anyway, I lagged out my game to high heaven and had to get my cousin to save my ass from Diablo. Tried to take screenshots but lag + clicking + pressing ctrl-shift-3 is no fun. Only managed to grab 2. Time for me to try the Demon Hunter class and fool around in Nightmare mode until Blizzard comes up with a Mac patch.

Word of advice, Blizzard. Just fork out money and hire W. You'll make gamers like me loyal fans in a heartbeat. Nothing grabs hold of a person's heart like a great story that you will love to play 4 (Normal, Nightmare, Hell, Inferno, was it?) times over with 5 different classes. This? I think after fiddling with the Demon Hunter, I'll be done.

And I liked Leah, stupid Blizzard!

Diablo eats Macs

Okay, I have something embarrassing to admit. It's been a week, about 40 hours of gaming and I'm still at normal mode in Act 4. In a gaming point of view:

OMFG M sucks so bad! 40 hours and STILL on normal?

I have a very good reason for it. Blizzard hates Macs. And yes, all you gaming geeks with spanking new PCs, I have a Macbook Pro, live with it. I will engage Diablo himself in a tumble if he ever tried to take my MBP from me. (I will never part with anything that has my collection of anime, manga, stories, Big Bang Theory and pictures.)

I have never been much of a PC gamer. The only games I played on the PC were  Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII (PC, because I had no access to the Playstation on school months, ah bittersweet youth), an MMORPG here and there. Oh, and Solitaire. Sitting in a computer chair just doesn't do it for me.

Imagine my joy when Playstation 3 had wireless remotes that allowed me to curl up on the bed and have my killing sprees while hugging my pillow. But I digress, topic at hand, yes, I'm a console gamer, not a PC one. Again, imagine my joy when I found out that Diablo is Mac compatible. An awesome game on a computer that hasn't made me tear my hair out in frustration since 2008! A dream come true!

Until Act II of Diablo. My amazing wizard who was blasting critters left and right suddenly started running like she has arthritis in her knees. Enemies started teleporting and all my character could do was run like a girl in a cheesy romantic reunion for 3 lagged out seconds before a grave marked the spot where she was last seen with a full health orb.

I credit my gaming (and Q button bashing skills, coupled with prayer, crossed fingers and a level 60 wizard belonging to my cousin to rescue my lagged ass) that I even made it to Act IV. Remember how I said Act II was bad? Act IV's Izual boss kicked my ass in 0 seconds. Because in one frame, he was barreling towards me, in the next frame, there was the grave. After 5 more tries of the magic grave appearing act, I logged out of disgust and started trouble-shooting the problem.

Apparently, irregardless of how new the Macs are, many Mac users have the same problem. People who ran Diablo via Bootcamp had it working fine, so it was not a graphics card or performance issue. Though the problem seems to be Macs with Nvidia 9400m cards.

Yes yes, my graphics card ain't no shiny new piece of technology but hello! The last game I played on my Mac was Farmville 2 years ago, who needs graphics card?!

BLIZZARD HATES MACS!

Granted, they have announced that they are aware of the problem and are working on fixing it, but I found a workaround that didn't require bootcamp. (Sorry, I only have 250GB of space on this dear ancient MBP that is barely enough for my anime, I'm not about to waste space on bootcamp.)

Download Parallels, download windows as an .iso, install Windows (7 or 8 works fine, but 7 takes up a lot of memory, I used 8 beta). It improves the FPS issue significantly though anything above low/nil display option kills my Mac.

DIABLO EATS MACS!

If Blizzard doesn't release a patch that stops my wizard from acting like an old crone, I swear I will master that ray of disintegration spell, march down to their HQ and blow them all into bits!

*grumble* Ninety bucks to get forced into using low-res display *grumble* shitty servers with their long maintenance times *grumble grumble grumble*

My favourite scene thus far. SPOILER ALERT!!

Diablo III

M here again, now to give my first impressions of Diablo III.

And my first impression?

It sucks!

Wait wait wait, before I get stoned to death by the sea of rabid fans, allow me to explain why. Think about this, why are MMORPGs popular? I mean, millions of people play these games, the story is usually very simple to provide the scene in which your adventures happen. The graphics can be good, but a lot of time, console games have much better graphics. So why is this genre so darned popular? To me, two words:

Interaction and Customization. Customization!

I played a few MMORPGs before and if that game had a mage/wizard class, it was always my first choice for the first run of the game. Gaming is always a quick escape from reality and nothing is more detached from reality than throwing fireballs willy nilly and seeing everything explode around you. But customization is always key to me. I love having the option of choosing which skills to upgrade, which stats to concentrate my points on. I tend to lean towards creating a mage who kicks ass with skills but with her low health, has to hide behind a tank or start running when mobs come after her.

Diablo III offers ZERO customization. The only thing you can choose is weapons/armor to put on your character, but skills? Nada, you earn new skills as you level up, and EVERYONE has those same skills.

OMG HOW LAME IS THAT?!

At most you can choose which skills to put in your battle slots and maybe tweak it with a rune but EVERYONE HAS THE SAME SKILL SET!

*Insert epic face palm*

While everything else was okay, (I was too busy twacking mobs to talk to my cousin who was in a party with me) and the story was fairly generic, (Diabolic Diablo's deranged kin is here to take over the world, you get the drift) I realized everyone in the game seemed to be in a hurry to finish it. So I hopped out of the party and started running through the game solo, simply because I had no idea what the other dudes were doing, they were completing quests at the speed of light, while I was trying to figure out why the hell I was here in the first place.

Apparently, some Koreans finished the game in 6 hours, yep, a game that took 10 years to make, they got it down in 6. I think I'll take a week to run through it, simply because I need my story to know what to do. LOL.

Back to Diablo, hopefully they have the servers up now, (yep it crashed, not surprising, considering how many people are playing it at the same time, but it's always amusing to go to Diablo's forums to look at the peeps whining about dead servers.) Yes, I know I said Diablo sucks, but I'm not gonna waste my money after playing only 4 hours, Imma at least run through the game with ALL the classes before I am satisfied.

OCD remember?

Oh, if anyone wants a party, my battletag is moonstone#6465


M signing off!

[game] Dragon Age: the game(s) that established as scientific fact that men evolved from darkspawn

+++

"Dragon Age III: Bloodlust". Ftw, anyone? Or is it just Lust?"

+++

Look at the time... What? It's 3 am in the morning of June the 24th and I've only sat down in front of the PS to start playing Dragon Age I: Origins all the way through Dragon Age II, in, oh... when was that again?... ah, that's right... ONE whole month ago.

By the way, this is all M's fault.

Dragon Age Origins could be fatal if avoided, poisonously fatal if indulged, and all because of one character named Alistair: accidentally romantic, clumsy, tragically vengeful if faulted and irresistably *hawt* ... that is, until, he turned 26+ in Dragon Age II. Yeah, in a cameo appearance in Dragon Age II (in which he becomes royalty if played to that ending, or a mad drunk if played to a different, more tragic conclusion) Alistair became a lazy programmer's late-night-party-drinking-morning-after-hangover version of Alister, King of Fereldan, btw, and if you must know, kick-ass tanker and sword-and-shield warrior who eats darkspawn ogres for breakfast... and I mean that... literally.

"Hmm... That's a switch."

What did that programmer decide to feed him these past 6 years in Dragon Age's Ferelden? Did they run out of stew? It caused some sort of genetic deformation in him. At least, they kept his hair intact.

"Swooping is bad..."

Of course, then, there's Fenris: the grumpy dwarf, i mean, elf, who gave brooding, angsty emo a whole new set of tight, black and shiny wardrobe. Sexy, in his feisty 'i hate all bleeding mages' mode (especially with another tight-pants Balthier's voice-acting) but a little exhausting to romance. Could I venture to say that conversation in Dragon Age II took psychological stress to a whole new level?



Indeed, Fenris is best when he is brooding, moping or whatever Varric can come up with, in a solitary corner and reading a book, or at least, trying to. Heh!

Anyhow, this is just a short post to reassure you that I'm alive and not drowned in darkspawn. But I DID wish Dragon Age II had a better ending... the whole world ending in chaos just seems a bit... depressing. The Champion, after all, worked her way up in society from nothing all the way to.... nothing again? Hm... What's up with that, I wonder?

Dragon Age III: Qunari War against the Tevinter Mages, anyone? Or shall it be Ferelden vs. the Orlais Empire? Hah! We'll see!

+++

Dragon Age I: Origins (my choice of Human Female Noble Rogue, later, Warden-Commander Queen)




Dragon Age II (my choice of Human Female Rogue, later, Ex-Smuggler, Templar-Killer, Mage-Supporter War Renegade)



...and her bed warmer, I mean, partner, Fenris...




Mimi, the Noble Feline Beast, who warmed the PS3 for the entire month and stood by me through darkspawn and poltergeists (I was scared in Varric's brother's haunted house!!!)



and finally, a, er, rather funny situation in Dragon Age II with Anders in the Deep Roads...
(Note: Look at the red dots in the map at the top right hand corner)


Anders: "As a Grey Warden,
I can sense other Wardens even in the Deep Roads...
(glances behind me)...
Or, of course, it could just be Darkspawn..."

Hawke: (silent thought) "Mistaking Darkspawn for a Grey Warden, yeah...
...but an ENTIRE horde of them????
Come on!"

+++

If you notice, I like the hairstyle and the white/silver/platinum-blonde hair on my characters! They could be lost sisters, who knows?!! They're both from Ferelden, anyway... Haha!

Keep it cool & Love all,
W.

[game] Eternal Sonata (PS3) 2008

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"Eternal Sonata" or "Trusty Bell: Chopin's Dream" (Japanese title-- a dodgy title, at best)
+
+
Famitsu: 35/40=87.5%
GameRatings: 82.39%
Metacritic: 80%
GameSpot: 83%
IGN: 87%
+

History
As Gustav Mahler once said, "If a composer could say what he wanted to say in words, he wouldn't bother trying to say it in music." Thus, Eternal Sonata was born in the mind of director Hiroya Hatsushiba to celebrate his love for classical music and for the Romantic work and life of 'the poet of the piano' Polish-born Frederic Francois Chopin (1810-1849). At an age when Bach (1685-1750), Beethoven (1770-1827) and Mozart (1756-1791) would have still been apprentices, Chopin was already recognised as a master of his art and started composing piano solos at the tender age of 7. He died at age 39, however, of tuberculosis and left in his place a legacy of Romantic piano solos that still enamours listeners even to this day.

Background to 'Eternal Sonata' (some spoilers and lotsa grousing, M!)
The premise of the game takes place just a few hours before 39 year-old, tuberculosis-ridden Chopin passed away in the night in the company of his doctor and (what seems to be) his close confidante, mezzo-soprano Pauline Viardot. Without their knowledge, Chopin had entered into his own dream world and is battling life-and-death, reality-and-illusion in his mind alone.

Frederic 'emo' Chopin

Polka

In this dream world divided by the countries of Forte (led by evil Count Waltz--an allusion to his illness and most famous works) and Baroque (led by heroic Prince Crescendo--an allusion to the age of Baroque music that came before the Romantic era), Chopin meets the 14-year old Floral Powder seller named Polka, who also appears to be terminally ill. Due to her predestined death and incurable illness, she is (through the reality of this game) able to use magic. Needless to say, while Chopin is in this dream, he too is able to use magic.

Prince 'noble badass' Crescendo

Additionally, Count Waltz is the lead manufacturer and promoter of the use of Mineral Powder to cure illnesses. Unknown to many residents of Forte, however, is the fact that a certain percentage of Mineral Powder users become even more sick, and inevitably, turn into monstrous, magic-wielding, mindless monsters. Duh.

Princess 'kickass' Serenade

On the one hand, a rebel group in Forte aims to topple Waltz's malevolent government. Led by buster sword-wielder and womaniser, Jazz, and his lady minions, I mean, er, lady companions (read: weak, spineless, hopelessly romantic, I-wanna-be-a-house-wife-in-the-Scottish-Highlands characters) named Claves and Falsetto, their story is one of intrigue, betrayal, suspense and even comic relief (if a death monologue lasting an entire night doesn't make you laugh, nothing else will). The Baroque Prince Crescendo and Princess Serenade, on the other hand, lend their support to these rebels from across the sea but prefer to offer themselves up as prisoners-of-war to Waltz rather than go down in a fight. Hey, there are stranger things than fiction in the world, but this one really takes the cake. These two are, imho, hopelessly romantic but kickass nonetheless and POWs just doesn't make a lick of sense in the general framework of the story...?

Claves

Jazz

Falsetto

What makes them think that a Count who allows his own citizens to consume Mineral Powder and turn into bloodthirsty monsters is in the right frame of mind to negotiate?

Allegretto

Beat

Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the political spectrum, Allegretto and Beat are stealing bread on the streets of Forte to feed the hungry, orphaned children of the sewers. Upset by their poverty, they leave their home to see Waltz and their chance meeting with Polka and Chopin (who were on the way to see Waltz as well so as to change the lives of the Forte citizens before they die) thus lead them on a journey to save the world, and at one point, even the time-space continuum! Although, this only happened, I think, because what is a RPG without a wormhole threatening to destroy not only mankind but also existence itself?!

Other characters include, sheepherder girl, Viola,


the fast, adorable and POWERful Guardians of Agogo Forest, quiet March,


and garrulous Salsa.


On a more practical side of the story, the game itself is divided into several chapters with befitting titles that relate to Chopin's music, art and life; such as 'Raindrops', 'Nocturne' and 'Revolution'. Each chapter introduces a 'history chapter' about Chopin and about the various, innumerable number of women in his life (apparently, Chopin was quite the looker and while diminutive and pale, was quite the catch in society). They also showcase some watercolour paintings or images of Chopin's beloved homeland, Poland, his life aboard Europe, mostly France, and the various places he lived. Not too brief, not too long, these little snippets are a welcomed rest from button-bashing, especially that every chapter ends with a big, bad boss––don't say I didn't warn ya!

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REVIEW
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All in all, Eternal Sonata seemed to promise an epic journey with an unbeatable battle system, that while mildly annoying and remotely liable for a series of head bashing, thumb bandaging, and Panadol overdosing incidents, keeps its battles lively and dynamic throughout the grinding hours of gameplay.

Fugue

This game is, after all, for lack of better terms, one of those games in which you sleep, you die. 'Tactical Time' at the beginning of every action your character partakes goes to 'zero' by the end of the game, and the 'Action Gauge' your character gets to kill off his/her chosen enemy is always, always counting down to 'zero'. For sure, there are 'Harmony Chains' and 'Special Attacks' to counteract these limitations but... well... it's not just button-mashing here, it's button-mashing with a vengeance. And when you come across this character, Fugue, in Chapter 3 of the game, you'd be crying in your bed to sleep and throwing pillows at the thing we call 'fate'. But game on, my friends, and persevere, because Fugue is voiced by none other than Johnny Young Bosch, who also voices Nero in 'Devil May Cry 4' and Ichigo in the English-dubbed Bleach.

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Battle System: 8/10
For its innovativeness, challenges and evolutionary tactics at every game level.
However, it could improve on its EXP acquisition and a more transparent Skills learning curve.
+

+

Its character designs are cute and interesting, if not typical. However, its character histories and stories will make Tolkien roll over in his grave and Shakespeare grieve at his own headstone. The life of a spy, especially female and prone to falling in love with their targets (where did they get their damned training!!?) is miserable but does it have to make me miserable too?

Certainly, Polka, seems to bear some sort of resemblance to Chopin's own real-life little sister, Emilia, who too died of tuberculosis at age 14. In fact, I seem to recall Chopin (character) calling Polka 'Emilia' in the final few minutes (or hours, if you include the ending movie sequence) of the game. Despite how it sounds, however, the game is more about Polka and the rest of the dream characters rather than Chopin, himself. Isn't this game inspired by Chopin? Chopin as a character doesn't involve himself much in the story/plotline of the game and seems to me rather like calefare (not even a cameo).

Sure, I understand that Hatsushiba might have desired to 'preserve the memory' of Chopin, but... but... but it made Chopin the most distant main character in the history of RPG!

At the same time, it's dungeons are... Well, is 'boring' politically correct, I wonder. Why do I miss those days traipsing down to the temple puzzle dungeons of FFX with Tidus? Perhaps, this is because the only 'Chopin-inspired' dungeon was the final one involving a tower, a piano floor-board, and a music sheet (in my head), and that was only to test my memory retention skills (which isn't much, btw).

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Character & Dungeon Design: 7/10
For its adorable design, smooth, flowing garments and crisp 3D images.
May have to re-innovate the relationship between Chopin's art and RPG game landscapes.
+

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Unfortunately, plot holes, plot loops and plot huh-s? abound and the most interesting one about the strange, alien-looking rock that Polka throws off a cliff and then has it returned to her the very next moment by Allegretto simply set me on a wild goose chase. (The whole reason I continued playing this game was because of this!) There is a reason why House MD had so many writers working on its drama and if you aren't DA's resident staff writer like Patrick Weekes, Tolkien, Tolstoy, or Shakespeare, it's okay to ask for help, Hiroya Hatsushiba!

And so there goes an (almost) epic tale mired in its own weak plots such as the gawd-get-me-the-hangman's-noose-the-sturdy-tree-branch-and-the-grease-already tragic love lives of female spies and the ONE man who loves them all. And don't even get me started on the near-death monologues!

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Story: 7/10
For its thrilling premise, its creative use of a classical music legend in a PS3 game.
Yet, needs massive improvements in its overarching story framework, its minor characters and even its major ones!
+

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The saving grace of Eternal Sonata, of course, is it's amazing OST. A game imbued with the richest, most delicious sounds ever made for a game; Motoi Sakuraba's Chopin-inspired music direction created powerfully evocative background music that brings the player (that's me) to a Romantic/fantasy world. Stanislav Bunin's piano playing was light, refreshing and melodic, just as Chopin's music (especially the waltzes) should be. It also didn't hurt, of course, that he won the International Frederic Chopin Piano Competition in Warsaw in 1985.

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OST: 9/10
For its brilliant renditions of Chopin's most gorgeous pieces. Need I say more?
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Overall Score for 'Eternal Sonata'
31/40 or 77.5%
(I would replay it only to get screenshots, i.e. if I needed them).





Cheers!

[ost] Eternal Sonata

Quick post: I just had to post this so you guys could listen!

Moon, you MUST play this game. It's the background music in one of the dungeons, Aria Temple. I'll review the gameplay as soon as I hit a lull in the gaming process (levelling up, sidequests, you ~know~ what I'm talking about!)



Cheers!

P.S. Congrats on the first post, Obs! :p